Nice Glasses

When did eyeglasses become cool for kids? Last I recall, kids who wore glasses were the subjects of very cruel and disparaging remarks – like "four eyes."

Sometime between 1977 and 2006, glasses became vogue. When I first got glasses (seventh grade) I was far too embarrassed to wear them. Of course my mom picked out the ugliest frames imaginable. No girl would be interested in a boy with eyeglass frames the size of 3X5 notecards. So I kept the glasses a secret from just about everyone – including teachers.

And then it happened. My math teacher, Mr. VanderBurg, called on me on a day when I failed to sit in the front row. He asked me a question about an equation written on the chalkboard. I was (and still am) nearsighted. I squinted and blinked to make out the blurry white lines. Nothing. So I faked an answer, which resulted in immediate laughter from the whole class.

"You’re supposed to wear glasses, aren’t you?" he barked at me -- in front of my peers. GASP!

"Uh-huh," I said in a stupor.

"Instead of walking around making a fool of yourself, you better put them on your face!" he said. Apparently 25 years ago, teachers could actually order students around, and the kids usually followed those orders. I’ve worn glasses every day since. So "thanks" Mr. V.

And recently, my daughter Kayla got her first pair of glasses. She did her best to fake out the optometrist in order to score the eyewear (yes they even call it "eyewear" so it sounds more fashionable). All her friends, it seems wear glasses for reading or to identify their girlfriends from three blocks away. It’s a trendy thing, glasses, for girls. It’s the "in" thing to do.

The optometrist told us that this was the third or fourth girl of the week who claimed bad eyesight. "They do their darndest to trick me during the exam. But it’s obvious that their purpose is to get glasses because it’s so cool," said the doctor.

What a bonanza for eye doctors everywhere. No wonder the line at LensCrafters is a mile long on Saturday and Sunday. Hundreds of parents are shelling out hundreds of dollars on eyeglasses that will be worn for exactly eight days, until a new trend takes over.

What do parents do? One eye exam and one pair of Donna Karan eyeglasses later, Kayla is part of the "in" crowd. She will not be considered uncool among her peers. Not as long as daddy four eyes is still around.

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