More on Deer (or...moron deer!!!)

I actually saw one. Of course it wasn't ON the bike path, but about 15 yards off in the tall grass. It watched closely as I raced past on the bike, waiting for the precise moment when it would hoof across the asphalt....stop...and drop a huge deer poop right on the path. Not only are deer a menace to automobile drivers, they've now found a new pasttime in wreaking havoc on cyclists. Cyclists who've never held an iota of animosity against these four-legged creatures.

I think I have it "in" against deer in general. Back in the 80s, when I was commuting home from college, I hit a deer in my Ford Pinto. As the animal leaped to try and dodge the nose of the Pinto, it only cleared the hood, smashing into the windshield going airborn over the roof of the car. Once stopped and upon inspecting the damage (a shattered grill, a steaming and broken radiator, a cracked windshield) I recognized that the deer, in it's complete and utter fear of death, had promptly taken a dump on the roof of the car as it passed over it. Deer poop on a white landaeu roof of a Ford Pinto. I was angry at that creature not just for its stupidity in getting hypnotized by the headlights of the car, but for its un-nerving crapping ability in it's last seconds of life.

So yeah, I have a harbinger of ill will against deer. One would think I'd anticipate deer hunting season like a central Wisconsin-ite anticipates Opening ATV season. For now, I'll just express my hatred of Bambi and all his cousins in words.

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Deer Shiiiiiiiiit

I bike. And on this 10-mile stretch of path I take in rural Minneapolis, the trail is surrounded by woods. It's one of the most scenic rides you can peddle in suburbia - especially in the Fall when the colors emerge. There's this shroud of leaves in every hue just inches above my bike helmet, and the smells of Autumn are amazing. But I digress.

Since Spring I've been on this trail more than a dozen times and every single time there are numerous piles of deer shit smack in the middle of the asphalt.

Now the intelligent side of me says, "If there are deer in the woods, wouldn't they be more likely to drop their loads somewhere in the grass, near a tree?" Instead, however, the deer manage to cross the bike path, stop and take their craps right where I'm riding. Right where people run and walk and rollerblade. It's a deer shit obstacle course, changing every time I ride that route.

A little deer revenge perhaps? Let's stick it to the humans who carved a bike path through our home.

I'll keep riding and dodging the deer droppings, because in three months that path will once again be amazing in every way -- poop included.

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