My Daughter And Driving
In January, my oldest child celebrated her 16th birthday. Today she will test for her official driver’s license.
After classroom instruction last summer, followed by months of behind-the-wheel practice, she has the opportunity to win her Minnesota Driver’s License and set out on the adventure of her life – driving alone (and on occasion, with friend) in a car.
As any proud father would feel, the past months have been fun and pride-filled as her driving skills improved. She takes driving seriously – much more so than when I was 16 – reminding me of certain facts and rules of the road that I’ve long since forgotten. The questions always arose: “When can I get my own car?”
Knowing now, how my mom or dad my have felt when they handed me the keys to my first car at 16 and turned me loose, I began to ponder how parents really try to maintain some control over their kids as they age – and just how fruitless that attempt at control can be. Nonetheless, I wrote the ground rules for dear daughter to understand and accept before I turn over the keys to the 1999 Pontiac Grand Am that awaits her in my garage. I want her to enjoy her experience driving and to do that she needs to really experience it…to be responsible for keeping the gas tank filled and to learn what cars sound like when they run well versus when they might be sick and need attention. I want her to discover the feeling of driving on the highway with the window down and her radio playing a favorite tune – to see how she is in control of her immediate world as long as she pays attention to the others around her.
I’m not fretting this “graduation” to driving. It’s a milestone like others in life and I embrace it. And every time we say good night or see you tomorrow, I’ll be double-making-sure that the “I love yous” are heard loudly and clearly, because that’s how I’ll be able to sleep at night.
Car Rules
Established April 2007
1. Driving is serious business and the car is not a toy. You have earned the privilege to drive the car from point A to point B. Take how you drive seriously. Don’t let yourself be distracted by music, phones, friends, other drivers. Pay attention to the road and your surroundings. If you treat driving less than the serious responsibility it is and/or treat the car like a toy (abusing it in any way), your driving privileges will be revoked.
2. While this car, at a maximum, can accommodate five people, under no circumstances are you to travel with more than two passengers accompanying you. That means you plus one person in the front passenger seat and one person in the back seat. This rule stands for times when you may be driving Mom’s car or Dad's truck.
3. We need to know where you are and when to expect you home whenever you are out with the car. We need to know your work schedule as well in the event we need you. Curfews are to be strictly adhered to. Call if an emergency keeps you out past your curfew.
4. You have a cell phone. Keep it with you and keep it charged. Do not use it when you drive. Pull off the road and put the car in “Park” BEFORE you answer the phone or make a call or type a text message. Keep Mom and Dad informed of where you are, and if your plans change, tell us.
5. Fighting with your brother? You smacked him in the head? I don't know any adults who drive cars who still do that. Do you? You have a driver’s license. Act your age.
6. You have such nice things in your bedroom at both mom’s house and at dad’s. It's a good thing you never leave your room looking like a pigsty. I don't know a single pig that has a driver's license. Do you?
7. You are the primary driver of a car that costs thousands of dollars. You can maintain this privilege as long as you:
- Hold a part-time job
- Maintain a 3.25 GPA at school
- Pay the monthly car insurance expense
- Buy your own gas
- Treat the vehicle with respect, keeping it clean inside and out, and telling Dad when you feel a repair may be needed
8. If you are in an accident, call Mom or Dad as soon as possible, before you share any information with the other driver(s) involved. Know where the car insurance and registration information is located. If you are at fault for an accident, you may lose driving privileges for a period to be determined depending on the seriousness of the violation.
9. Do not sit on the hood, trunk or roof of the car. Cars are not built to hold the weight of people. Be careful when opening car doors in parking lots and near gas pumps. If you or your friends cause damage to the car you will be expected to pay for the repairs. Average auto body repairs for dent removals are $500 minimums and insurance does not cover this.
10. Notice my light is still on when you get home? That's because I worry, even though you are a mature, levelheaded, young adult. It's not that I don't trust you. It's all the other nuts out there on the road that I don't trust.
11. No racing, practical jokes or giving a friend a driving lesson. Never, ever let someone else drive your car. You have the privilege to drive the car. If you want someone else to drive it for some reason, you must first ask Dad if it’s OK.
12. She who drives, contributes. If you come seeking gas money for your car, you can first expect to contribute in the category of house work. I am a great taskmaster. There’s always a room to paint, floors to sweep and toilets to scrub.
13. A ticket for speeding/parking/passing/not stopping/driving wrecklessly/failing to use a turn signal/failure to buckle up or any other kind of violation? Hand over the keys. Tickets raise the cost of car insurance and make you more “risky” as an insured driver. You must drive safely and avoid tickets of any kind.
14. Since this vehicle is primarily yours to drive to work and school, it is also your responsibility to keep it in good shape. Washing and cleaning the car inside and out is up to you. Larger maintenance items like oil changes, tire rotations and lube jobs will be a shared responsibility.
15. If you happen to take Mom or Dad’s car for some approved reason, don't leave them with an almost empty tank when you return.
16. No one likes a dirty vehicle – inside and outside – especially your parents.
17. Are you tired? If you're tired, I don't want you behind the wheel. Call me – for any reason – and I will come and get you. And I won't ask questions. That's a promise.
18. Now that you have a license and a car, you will be asked from time to time to help with transportation of your brother to and from certain activities. You will happily comply, when asked, to transport him if necessary.
19. By all means play music when you’re driving. However, be respectful and a) don’t play music too loudly and b) do not wear ear buds or headphones when driving any vehicle. Driving while wearing headphones is unacceptable and illegal. If you are found driving with the music blaring or with headphones on, your driving privileges will be suspended.
20. You know how we always tell you how proud you make us when you do things well? Good. Remember that.
21. Use of any illegal substance such as alcohol (before you are 21) or drugs (at any age) will result in the automatic loss of the car (whether you happened to be driving it at the time or not). If you ever violate this rule, the car will be sold immediately to the highest bidder. That will only be the first of many unpleasantries you will experience if you violate this rule. If you do find yourself under the influence for any reason, DO NOT drive. Call Mom or Dad and we will pick you up.
22. There are no exceptions to any of these rules.
-end-
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This random thought brought to you by ~C @ 1:08 PM
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